Hospitality

Martha was distracted by her many tasks; so, she came to Jesus and asked “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the work my myself? Tell her than to help me” (Luke 10:40).

            Some time ago, I was invited by a wealthy family in my Parish to come to their home for dinner. Before the meal, I was served some good Scotch. As we sat down for dinner, I noticed the dishes were fine China and the glassware was crystal. The food we ate and wine we drank was wonderful. However, the most memorable thing about the meal was the way they focused their attention upon me. They realized I was unaccustomed to such luxury and tried to make me feel comfortable by talking about their humble backgrounds and how early in their careers they also felt uneasy when in such surroundings. Our conversation was informal and we really got to know each other better. By the time I returned home, I felt a lot less anxious then when I arrived. From the experience I learned hospitality is not about external things but making the guest the center of one’s attention.

            In this passage from Luke, Martha grumbles to Jesus about having to do all the work in providing hospitality to him. By his response, he gently reminds her of the true meaning of the term.

            Hospitality was an important Virtue within the Hebrew Scriptures/Old Testament. When Abraham welcomed the three strangers at the Oak of Mamre, he unknowingly indicated why it was so significant: hospitality shown to others was in fact offered to God. Over time, this Virtue evolved into a series of customs which defined the relationship between a host and a guest. Upon arrival, the guest went to a couch, washed his or her hands and feet and joined the meal. The host provided the water for the guest’s use as well as the food and drink consumed. When there were numerous guests, the host’s tasks were many. Since most Jewish households lacked servants, it was female members of the family who completed them. For this reason, Martha’s frustration at Mary’s presence at Christ’s feet was understandable. She belonged with her sister in the kitchen until the meal was ready. Yet, her traditional understanding of hospitality left out one important consideration: attention to the guest. Although the provision of water, as well as food and drink, were valuable elements of this Virtue, so was the development of relationships. Distracted by her tasks, Martha neglected what Jesus really desired: the opportunity for personal interaction. Food and drink came second to this need. By her actions, Mary chose the better part when she focused upon Jesus. What she showed to Jesus she also offered to God: her entire self. By his response to Martha, Jesus gently but firmly adjusted her understanding of hospitality.

            Within our Modern Society, hospitality is usually equated with attention to detail when it comes to things. Hosts strive to make a good impression on their guests by bringing out the best China as well as providing the finest food and drink. The focus is on presentation and having the perfect experience. However, this approach can promote attitudes of reciprocity and competition. Since I provided you with an extravagant meal, you must do the same for me. When it is my turn to host a dinner, I will make sure it is more wonderful than the one you offered me. Yet, as I was once told, the most important thing about any meal is the people with whom you eat it. Although paying attention to things like food and drink is important, focusing on people is even more so. It starts with being present to the other person. This means turning off one’s cell phone and putting aside all the distractions of the moment. Listening attentively to someone when they are talking requires looking at them and not interrupting even when it is difficult not to do so. It also means being aware of non-verbals such as posture, facial expression or tone of voice when you speak. Hospitality is about making someone feel important. It is a learned skill which takes a long time to develop. In this passage, it is not recorded whether Mary did any of these things when she sat with Jesus. But she indicated he was welcome in a clearer way than her sister. Discipleship is about hospitality: welcoming people wherever they are on their Faith journey and being present to them.

            Martha and Mary both contributed something to welcoming Jesus into their home. While Martha focused on things, Mary concentrated on people. Like the couple who invited me to their house for dinner that evening, Mary understood making a guest feel comfortable by focusing on them is the meaning of hospitality.

July 17, 2022